Priest takes a trip to the Vatican, as he walks he sees a pedestal with a gold telephone on top with a note "Phone calls to God $1,000". "Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they've let me make one phone call, and that's why I'm calling you." We also have a selection of adult jokes, some successful, just waiting to be shared with others. Funny sister jokes and one liners My sister was of the belief that only onions could make her cry, until I threw a coconut her way Mom requested me to take out all the trash, two days later she is asking if I have seen my sister, I reminded her that all trash are out of the house. I am coming in three days.”, “Son, please. Tag Archives: phone jokes one liners How To Know if your Phone is a China Phone. "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems, my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...". 23. A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone. 'Fifty pounds! ...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out? 'Fifty pounds?' He always excelled in his classes, went to the best university in the country, and became a renowned lawyer. Yes, you too can laugh like a crazed hyena! When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" Craig Kilborn (1962 – ) … 'That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time.' One liners about accountants are some of the funniest jokes around. Njia za kujua kama simu yako ni ya mchina hizi hapa: 1. Yellow, nice to meet you. If Verizon calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?". We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. to which the somewhat less overweight man replied, 'Twenty pounds.' Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?' About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative. Ndege ikipita, simu inaandika 1 MISSED CALL 4. "Hi I'm Jeff!" Priest thinks for a few seconds and then moves on. Example:City Morgue, You stab 'em, we slab 'em. "Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the face." 63. The horse has always wanted to be play the guitar, so he calls them up. The voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?' I immediately hung up. “Give us a call down here at 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Carpeting.” It’s too many letters, man. I didn’t answer it, because I’ve never spokane to anyone from there. 1 decade ago. When he was through enjoying himself, she said, 'Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!'. Can I speak to him? Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister? Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails! About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike? Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother? In fact, there are so many adult jokes that a whole book can only be written with them. Real Life Telephone Operator Jokes The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. 66. Judy, how have you been?" These jokes are great because they are short and to the point. ''Very well', the voice on the phone told him, 'Give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.' "Well the bad news I guess replies Mrs Smith". A: Never mind, I … The friend mentions having bought an elephant pretty recently. Fred: No one important. Enjoy 101 hilarious one liners that your kids will love to laugh at! Without further ado, peel your way through these onion puns! She replies: "It's not me, you know I always use the telephone on the grocery store I work at". ...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. A woman gets a phone call saying "The viper is coming shortly". What are some funny/smart-*** ways you've heard of answering the phone. Late in the evening the phone rang, she answered, “hello?”. ...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything. This was a common argument between the two of them until, one day, the son had had enough. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from North Korea. He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce! Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to??? A few days later the circus' agent gets a phone call. Here is a list of some great onion puns and one-liners. The s. He picks up the phone and listens before he starts screaming "No I don't know if the sea is fucking foggy", and hangs up. How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub? A guy gets a job working in a pickle factory as a pickle packer and he excitedly goes home to tell his wife the good news. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer? ... 101 Jokes and One Liners for Kids! At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. PHONE . ", The man says, “Hello sir, This is Bill from the IRS, we need you to come in at 9am tomorrow to discuss some large amounts of money coming into your account.”. Absolutely hillarious dirty one-liners! Youngster: (whispering) No. Enjoy 101 hilarious one liners that your kids will love to laugh at! The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast. When mobile A.I. I keep it in the bottom drawer with my underpants so I always know where it is. She thinks nothing of it. 21. I think I'm definitely talented enough to be in the circus! ...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card. Tell them! A father is at work when he gets a call from his son's teacher. When he proposed I decided to make a huge sacrifice: I gave up on my favourite food, beans. Click here for more information. I know how to help. 45 Funny One Liner Jokes That Will Make Anyone Laugh Laugh-inducing one liners! The last time he got a friend a gift, he gave him a half-million dollar investment portfolio. Surreal joke Customer: “I want to get the new Netscape from you people.” You must be a registered user to submit a joke. 1. Sharon is not up for a good time. You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. They both have rings! he asked. 64. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." It said press one for the money. After the banana chips in. I’m feeling really under the weather.”. When will the trail mix have enough money to buy a map? Then ask them to spell the company name. “I am the viper. ©Copyright 2016 Jokers Media, LLC - Jokerz and the Jokerz logo are registered trademarks of Jokerz Media, LLC, Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. He socially distances so much he won’t even call me!”. It's either my mum or my dad. The first guy explains how his son started as an entry level stock broker, but now owns his own wealth management firm. If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969. So they arrested me for wasting police time. Dec 6, 2016 - Laugh reduces stress, increases endorphins, and changes the neuronal activity. Angus is a bit short of money so he rings his friend Dougal to ask if he can borrow £ 10. Edited By: Shai K. Share. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. This is awful!!" ...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit? Russian dolls are so full of themselves. and therefor they decide to get some help from a sex therapist. ". I just followed the instruction asking me to … I exclaimed "not on my watch!". Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me. My wife was surprised when I cut the onion in the shape of a die. Anymore / Nemo: I just can’t see you a- Nemo . Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Iraqi. Giphy. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blond dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating 'If you catch me, you can have me'. ', the man exclaimed. Seriously, Leon, how's your momma? the voice asked. “Where did you get that car?”. ', he thought to himself. What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Source: NumberBarn. So there’s this farm. So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. All sorted from the best by our visitors. But what I'd like to know is who put Prince Albert in a can and why is my refrigerator running? Mobile Phone Jokes 1. The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons have been. How did you know I was calling? "Hi Mom, it's me." You need to search at Craigslist for a specific kind of man. Their farm has been in the family for years and the father had all the intentions to keep it that way. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read: Lose weight.
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